


losing

by recklessandburgundy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Loss, Pain, Parabatai Bond, i like my characters sad and hurt, mostly just alec bc well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 15:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13907253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklessandburgundy/pseuds/recklessandburgundy
Summary: It felt like someone punched him in the chest.Hard. Like the tip of a training staff to his sternum.(what i wanted to see in 2-20; a written interpretation of Alec's reaction)





	losing

**Author's Note:**

> I have A Lot of Feelings about this episode and about this scene in particular. I loved it, but I wanted to see more of Alec in pain. To me, he would've had a very visceral and shocked reaction, fish-out-of-water kind of confusion. I figure the main reason we didn't get to see that was bc blah blah he's not the protag. But I'm just a Sucker for writing hurt characters. 
> 
> It's pretty short and not-so-sweet, but I hope you like it! Let me know if you like it and/or want to see any more of my work!
> 
>  
> 
> Please be aware that I have not read the books nor know anything about the universe other than what I've seen in the show! 
> 
> my tumblr is [here](http://recklessandburgundy.tumblr.com/)

He'd just zoomed out on the map with a few fingers, staring at the glimmering screen, where were they, where do demons just _disappear_ to, leant forward against the corner of the table and hung his head, when it felt like someone punched him in the chest. 

Hard. Like the tip of a training staff to his sternum. 

Alec yelped, breathy with air forced out of him. His hip flashed with hot, fiery pain that shot through his muscles and left his legs weak. Startled, a hand fumbled under his shirt to lift it, to find the rune that was alight. Something wet bloomed on his chest without being there. 

Shock was already clouding around his mind, all the side effects of a fatal wound without the wound itself, nothing to drive the adrenaline swarming him but still swarming. Izzy said something he didn't hear. Alec knew this pain, knew where _who_ it was coming from, had felt it before. But this time it came with a crushing terror that he had never known. He fumbled back to the table, trying to stay standing. His eyes flickered in their forward stare without quite seeing anything. 

"It's-

The fear wasn't his. But it was his. The heart-stopping lurch of a shot leased too wide and of seeing it come for you. It clutched and dug so hard and deep it paralysed. Every fibre of him screamed out _no_ it's not _fair_ we can't _breathe_ well enough to cry-

"Jace-"

His eyes were burning and he clenched them tight against the feeling, wishing, _desperately_ , this day hadn't come. Sound ripped from his throat as if someone had just reached in and taken it. Another shooting spasm rocked his muscles down from his hip and he collapsed. Shaking. Hands grabbed for him but he fell nonetheless.

Blood pounding in his ears eclipsed the pain of hitting the floor and the hoarse crying from salted lips. 

Choking on nothing. The feeling of crying without tears, crying through one's soul, the sensation relinquishing only at the touch of another soul, _their_ shared spirit. And knowing the soul he needed was just too far. 

(absently, he could feel cool magic, hear shouts. he wouldn't remember it)

The agony came again, a wave, cresting with guilt, regret. Loss, with grappling fingers trying trying _trying **trying**_ but slipping. It took hold of him so hard he nearly reached out to grab on. 

Another wave, rising to full bloom in his chest, throat, heart-- only to hit a wall and crash into nothing. 

Nothing. 

The sight of the Institute, still, silent, had never been so cold. 

Alec came to without ever wanting it. That sensation had him wishing he had died with the wave. 

Warm hands pressed along his back and shoulders with the firmness of rings. Bodies close against him holding him up. Holding Alec up but with missing parts because-

He pulled at the hem of his shirt with a shaking hand to see the rune, tying two souls, burning away at his skin but fading. He still couldn't breathe. The bizarre sense of settling quiet in his bones was too much to possibly bear. No ache of an injury healing, no background knowing. Stillness at his core. He stared, as if he could stop this all by power of will.

"I can't feel him," his mouth said for him. He blinked as though the tears would stop with the motion. 

The burning stopped. 

"He's dead."

The hands let him go. _Clink_ went buckles against a marble floor. Almost unseeing Alec looked away to that cold stone ground and sobbed. 

A part of him that he could never have back. Gone.

_He's dead._


End file.
